One beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation: ‘My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons...a £200 sermon that lasts five minutes, a £100 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a £10 sermon that lasts a full hour. ‘Now, we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver.’
Food for thought
The children were lined up in the dining hall of a Catholic primary school to get their lunch. At the front of the counter was a large pile of apples. A nun made a notice and placed it on the apple tray:
‘Take only one, God is watching.’
Further along the lunch counter, there was a pile of chocolate chip muffins. A child had written another notice here:
‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples’.
Sealed orders
A priest moves into a new parish, to find his predecessor has left him three sealed envelopes. They have no words written on them, just the numbers one, two, and three.
The new arrival opens envelope number one, and there is a note inside saying ‘if there is trouble, blame your predecessor’.
He goes on to envelope number two, and this contains another note saying ‘if there is big trouble, blame the congregation’.
Consumed by curiosity, he rushes to open the third envelope, and finds one more note. This says ‘if there is a disaster, prepare three envelopes’.
First things first
At Sunday School, the younger children were reviewing the ten commandments. After explaining the commandment to ‘Honour thy father and mother’, the teacher asked ‘Is there a commandment which teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’ Immediately one little boy (the eldest in his family) answered ‘Thou shalt not kill’.