Do you know what would have happened
If they had been Three Wise Women
Instead of Three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions,
Arrived on time,
Helped deliver the baby,
Cleaned the stable,
Made a casserole,
Brought useful presents and
There would be Peace On Earth!
The Golfing Abbot
There was an abbot who was an avid golfer-. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging. away. It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The abbot was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly the urge to play golf overcame him
He told his prior he had been called away urgently, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the abbot and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, ‘Look at that abbot. He should be punished for what he is doing.’ The Lord nodded in agreement.
The abbot teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to the Lord and said, ‘Begging your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.’
The Lord smiled. ‘Think about it - who can he tell?’
Walking on water
A bishop and two young priests were out fishing on a boat in the middle of a lake. Around noon, one of the priests looked around, then at the other priest, and said, 'Hey, that looks like a good spot to have lunch'.
The other priest said, 'Yeah, let's have lunch over there'.
The first priest stood up, stepped out of the boat and walked over to the shore.
The bishop looked up and saw this and thought, 'My God, if that priest is holy enough to walk on water, I know I can'.
The other priest stood up, picked up the lunch basket, stepped out of the boat and walked over to the shore. The bishop thought, 'My Lord! If both those priests are holy enough to walk on water, I know I can!'
The bishop put his fishing rod down, stood up, stepped out of the boat ... and sank to the bottom of the lake.
One priest looked at the other and said, 'You think we should have told him where the rocks are?'
Hole In One
Jesus was playing golf with Moses and an old man.
Moses teed off first: the ball flew off to the right and landed in a small lake. Moses walked down to the lakeside, parted the waters, walked out to where the ball was lying, now high and dry, and holed it in a par 3.
Jesus teed off next: this time the ball flew off the left and landed right in the middle of another lake. Jesus made his way down to the lakeside, walked across the surface of the lake, played his shot and holed the ball in two.
Then it was the old man’s turn. He too sliced the ball which flew off to the right and landed, not in the water, but right on top of a giant lily pad. As it did, a frog jumped out of the water on to the lily pad and scooped the golf ball up in its mouth.
The next moment, an eagle had dropped out of the sky above and picked up the frog, still with the ball in its mouth. The eagle soared up into the sky. As it turned towards its nest, which was in a distant tree, with the frog still gripped firmly in its talons, the golf ball became dislodged. It fell out of the frog’s mouth and dropped down, down, down … straight into the hole on the first green.
A hole in one!
At which point Moses turned to Jesus and said, with disgust: ‘I hate playing golf with your father….’
And a final flurry for Christmas..
What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
"Do I have to eat my Brussels sprouts?"
What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
Have an ice day!
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!